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I had trouble at home about that trip. Ceecee was supposed to go with me on trips like this. Ceecee and Millie agreed that she was the traveling wife, but she was nearing her term and riding a horse would probably make her drop her baby in the middle of the road. Riding a wagon would probably kill them both. And Millie wasn’t going anywhere even if she wanted, little Jay-Jay was too small to travel unless it was an emergency and his dinner had to stay at home and feed him.Gina went as far as getting on a horse before I convinced her that she was not yet my third wife and she would not be keeping me warm on the road. Being pulled over my horse and spanked a couple of times may have helped convince her, but I may be wrong there. I can sleep alone if I have to. I may not like it, but I can do it. None of the other men riding with us have someone to keep them warm.The trip was pretty boring. The road was fine, at least up to Epper’s Mill, and we couldn’t very well practice our writing. Some of us hide by havingunsafe sex resulting in gonorrhea, syphilis, or AIDS. In other words: aslow form of suicide.Or we hide behind drugs. Hopefully those of us that go that route end upin Alcoholics Anonymous, Synanon or other treatment centers before weeither end up in jail or die.We often develop various forms of mental illness, as a product of theextreme shame or bewilderment we have. We are admitted to psychiatrictreatment centers or at least, being driven by guilt or unable to acceptthe unacceptable, we talk to psychologists or psychiatrists. Many of usare depressed and end up on anti depressants.We also don't know how to relate to others. We are alone so we don'tpick up the interrelationship clues that other teens learn because theyare with friends. As adults we don't know how to deal with people sofind ourselves alone or, because we are afraid of people gravitatetowards rural areas because there are less people to deal with or majorurban areas because there everyone.
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